![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Return to Coruscant from Korriban
Jul. 11th, 2005 11:21 am[following this and alongside this]
Flying off Korriban and the calculations for the jump to hyperspace keep Anakin occupied for the first few moments of the trip, but once they've made the jump and there's nothing to do but sit there, he finds he can't stop his mind from going back over everything that just happened.
He wants to talk about it, work it out, discuss it with Obi-Wan but he knows after everything his mentor has just been through that that would be...unwise. He doesn't want to disturb the other Jedi. So he sits, and thinks. Broods, staring out at the light show of hyperspace. At some point, after an hour of this, he pulls a small, smooth stone from a pocket and turns it over in his hands, feeling it warm to his touch. That helps, a little.
But mostly, he broods, thinking of how close he came to betraying everything he'd ever cared about and for what? To kill Revan? Idiot. How close he came to letting Obi-Wan die. Feeling guilty that he wasn't there to stop the whole thing in the first place, and yet, strangely bitter about that too. Bitter that he couldn't even spend just a little time with the woman he loved without duty pulling him back in some form or fashion. And then guilty again for feeling that way. And angry with himself and angry with Revan and angry with the Council and just....
...quite messed up in the head.
It takes a long time before he feels anywhere near calm enough to meditate. He knows he ought to help Obi-Wan with his healing but again, he doesn't want to disturb his Master. Or perhaps, he doesn't want to connect that deeply, not now. He doesn't want to sense how disappointed Obi-Wan must be in him.
So he sits. And stares out the viewport. And turns a small reddish-black stone over in his hands. And wishes for the umpteenth time that things were different.
Flying off Korriban and the calculations for the jump to hyperspace keep Anakin occupied for the first few moments of the trip, but once they've made the jump and there's nothing to do but sit there, he finds he can't stop his mind from going back over everything that just happened.
He wants to talk about it, work it out, discuss it with Obi-Wan but he knows after everything his mentor has just been through that that would be...unwise. He doesn't want to disturb the other Jedi. So he sits, and thinks. Broods, staring out at the light show of hyperspace. At some point, after an hour of this, he pulls a small, smooth stone from a pocket and turns it over in his hands, feeling it warm to his touch. That helps, a little.
But mostly, he broods, thinking of how close he came to betraying everything he'd ever cared about and for what? To kill Revan? Idiot. How close he came to letting Obi-Wan die. Feeling guilty that he wasn't there to stop the whole thing in the first place, and yet, strangely bitter about that too. Bitter that he couldn't even spend just a little time with the woman he loved without duty pulling him back in some form or fashion. And then guilty again for feeling that way. And angry with himself and angry with Revan and angry with the Council and just....
...quite messed up in the head.
It takes a long time before he feels anywhere near calm enough to meditate. He knows he ought to help Obi-Wan with his healing but again, he doesn't want to disturb his Master. Or perhaps, he doesn't want to connect that deeply, not now. He doesn't want to sense how disappointed Obi-Wan must be in him.
So he sits. And stares out the viewport. And turns a small reddish-black stone over in his hands. And wishes for the umpteenth time that things were different.
