Anakin Skywalker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
morally_cryptic) wrote2007-07-25 09:59 am
morally_cryptic) wrote2007-07-25 09:59 am
Ani's List - 51 things Anakin Skywalker is not allowed to do
So, in honor of Skippy's List, I was inspired to make one for Anakin. Some of these were taken from Skippy's list word for word because they fit so well, some have had words changed to make them better blend with the Star Wars-verse, and some I made up all on my lonesome.
Feel free to add more in the comments if you think of any.
1. My proper military title is "General Skywalker", not "The Best General Ever Skywalker".
2. Not allowed to threaten anyone with Force choking.
3. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief in the Force by Force choking them.
4. May not call any senators immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
5. At least not where anyone can hear me.
6. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking deathsticks.
7. Or glitterstim.
8. Must not tell any Master that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
9. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.
10. Or alienkind's baser instincts.
11. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”
12. Especially in the middle of a battlefield.
13. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Jedi Anakin Skywalker. Ever.
14. May not borrow a clone trooper's helmet to see if their comm picks up messages from the Holonet.
15. May not borrow a clone trooper's armor for any reason.
16.The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them “You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.” Not allowed to use Jedi Mind Trick on clone troopers.
17. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.
18. Or at least not say that's what I'm doing.
19. Must not refer to my Master as “Dad”.
20. May not refer to any female Master as "Mom".
21. Thermal detonators are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell young, impressionable Jedi that they are.
22. My Master is not old enough to have fought in the Sith war, and I should stop implying that he did.
23. Neither is Master Yoda.
24. Must not mock command decisions in front of anyone.
25. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
26. May not use military hardware in order to create droids for death matches.
27. May not organize speeder bike races.
28. May not organize starship races.
29. May not organize races of any kind.
30. I should not teach other Jedi to say offensive and crude things in Huttese, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
31. Even if even the useful phrases in Huttese are offensive and crude.
32. “A Jedi does not have attachments” does not imply that a series of one night stands and/or no-strings-attached sex is okay.
33. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
34. The Jedi Council has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with a hydrospanner, a few springs, the remains of an old mechanic droid, and a roboclaw.
35. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a holovid”.
36. Even if I'm pretty sure it works.
37. And if I do, I'm not allowed to gloat afterward when it does work.
38. I am not the Emperor of anything.
39. I may not become the Emperor of anything.
40. The proper response to a briefing is not “That’s what you think”.
41. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training missions.
42. Or any other time.
43. The Jedi Council is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a sparkly cloak, a toy lightsaber, and a lot of eyeliner in the back of my speeder.
44. Not allowed to get shot.
45. Not allowed to get lured into an air-to-air battle with a Sith apprentice all the while destroying the urban landscape around me.
46. Nor am I allowed to then follow Sith apprentice to abandoned planet and play right into her evil hands.
47. Not even if I beat her in the end.
48. May not get married.
49. Especially may not have children.
50. Should not kill any disarmed prisoners of war.
51. Not even if I think they deserve it.
52. Must not use the excuse 'Chancellor Palpatine said I could' (submitted by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rose_aislin)
53. Even if he did. (submitted byrose_aislin)
Feel free to add more in the comments if you think of any.
1. My proper military title is "General Skywalker", not "The Best General Ever Skywalker".
2. Not allowed to threaten anyone with Force choking.
3. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief in the Force by Force choking them.
4. May not call any senators immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
5. At least not where anyone can hear me.
6. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking deathsticks.
7. Or glitterstim.
8. Must not tell any Master that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
9. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.
10. Or alienkind's baser instincts.
11. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”
12. Especially in the middle of a battlefield.
13. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Jedi Anakin Skywalker. Ever.
14. May not borrow a clone trooper's helmet to see if their comm picks up messages from the Holonet.
15. May not borrow a clone trooper's armor for any reason.
16.
17. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.
18. Or at least not say that's what I'm doing.
19. Must not refer to my Master as “Dad”.
20. May not refer to any female Master as "Mom".
21. Thermal detonators are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell young, impressionable Jedi that they are.
22. My Master is not old enough to have fought in the Sith war, and I should stop implying that he did.
23. Neither is Master Yoda.
24. Must not mock command decisions in front of anyone.
25. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
26. May not use military hardware in order to create droids for death matches.
27. May not organize speeder bike races.
28. May not organize starship races.
29. May not organize races of any kind.
30. I should not teach other Jedi to say offensive and crude things in Huttese, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
31. Even if even the useful phrases in Huttese are offensive and crude.
32. “A Jedi does not have attachments” does not imply that a series of one night stands and/or no-strings-attached sex is okay.
33. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
34. The Jedi Council has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with a hydrospanner, a few springs, the remains of an old mechanic droid, and a roboclaw.
35. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a holovid”.
36. Even if I'm pretty sure it works.
37. And if I do, I'm not allowed to gloat afterward when it does work.
38. I am not the Emperor of anything.
39. I may not become the Emperor of anything.
40. The proper response to a briefing is not “That’s what you think”.
41. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training missions.
42. Or any other time.
43. The Jedi Council is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a sparkly cloak, a toy lightsaber, and a lot of eyeliner in the back of my speeder.
44. Not allowed to get shot.
45. Not allowed to get lured into an air-to-air battle with a Sith apprentice all the while destroying the urban landscape around me.
46. Nor am I allowed to then follow Sith apprentice to abandoned planet and play right into her evil hands.
47. Not even if I beat her in the end.
48. May not get married.
49. Especially may not have children.
50. Should not kill any disarmed prisoners of war.
51. Not even if I think they deserve it.
52. Must not use the excuse 'Chancellor Palpatine said I could' (submitted by
rose_aislin)53. Even if he did. (submitted by
rose_aislin)