Ani's List - 51 things Anakin Skywalker is not allowed to do

[morally_cryptic]

So, in honor of Skippy's List, I was inspired to make one for Anakin. Some of these were taken from Skippy's list word for word because they fit so well, some have had words changed to make them better blend with the Star Wars-verse, and some I made up all on my lonesome.

Feel free to add more in the comments if you think of any.



1. My proper military title is "General Skywalker", not "The Best General Ever Skywalker".
2. Not allowed to threaten anyone with Force choking.
3. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief in the Force by Force choking them.
4. May not call any senators immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
5. At least not where anyone can hear me.
6. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking deathsticks.
7. Or glitterstim.
8. Must not tell any Master that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
9. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.
10. Or alienkind's baser instincts.
11. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”
12. Especially in the middle of a battlefield.
13. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Jedi Anakin Skywalker. Ever.
14. May not borrow a clone trooper's helmet to see if their comm picks up messages from the Holonet.
15. May not borrow a clone trooper's armor for any reason.
16. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them “You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.” Not allowed to use Jedi Mind Trick on clone troopers.
17. Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things.
18. Or at least not say that's what I'm doing.
19. Must not refer to my Master as “Dad”.
20. May not refer to any female Master as "Mom".
21. Thermal detonators are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell young, impressionable Jedi that they are.
22. My Master is not old enough to have fought in the Sith war, and I should stop implying that he did.
23. Neither is Master Yoda.
24. Must not mock command decisions in front of anyone.
25. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
26. May not use military hardware in order to create droids for death matches.
27. May not organize speeder bike races.
28. May not organize starship races.
29. May not organize races of any kind.
30. I should not teach other Jedi to say offensive and crude things in Huttese, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
31. Even if even the useful phrases in Huttese are offensive and crude.
32. “A Jedi does not have attachments” does not imply that a series of one night stands and/or no-strings-attached sex is okay.
33. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
34. The Jedi Council has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with a hydrospanner, a few springs, the remains of an old mechanic droid, and a roboclaw.
35. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a holovid”.
36. Even if I'm pretty sure it works.
37. And if I do, I'm not allowed to gloat afterward when it does work.
38. I am not the Emperor of anything.
39. I may not become the Emperor of anything.
40. The proper response to a briefing is not “That’s what you think”.
41. Not allowed to lead a “Coup” during training missions.
42. Or any other time.
43. The Jedi Council is not interested in why I “just happen” to have a sparkly cloak, a toy lightsaber, and a lot of eyeliner in the back of my speeder.
44. Not allowed to get shot.
45. Not allowed to get lured into an air-to-air battle with a Sith apprentice all the while destroying the urban landscape around me.
46. Nor am I allowed to then follow Sith apprentice to abandoned planet and play right into her evil hands.
47. Not even if I beat her in the end.
48. May not get married.
49. Especially may not have children.
50. Should not kill any disarmed prisoners of war.
51. Not even if I think they deserve it.
52. Must not use the excuse 'Chancellor Palpatine said I could' (submitted by rose_aislin)
53. Even if he did. (submitted by rose_aislin)

Comments

[lazypadawan.livejournal.com]

Heh heh, funny stuff! I do love my bad boy Anakin.

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

*jawdrop, gasp* ...are ye the Anakin Skywalker?!

OOC: Sorry for not having Murph reply in yout t_fen thread but his application is still pending. However, he's a suge sci-fi geek and had to say hi. :)

[rule-o-wrist.livejournal.com]

Murph! *shoves him lightly* Don' be rude.

ooc: Sorry as Murph!mun said...but they needed someone to bother. :)

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

[Sorry for the wait, you guys caught me just as I was leaving for a vacation with pretty much no Internet]

He's not being rude. *grin* Trust me, I've heard worse.

[rule-o-wrist.livejournal.com]

ooc: No problemo. :)

Well feel free t' tell me if he's askin too many questions and I'll hit him for you.

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

Unless there's another one I haven't heard of?

[Sorry for the wait, you guys caught me just as I was leaving for a vacation with pretty much no Internet]

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Well ye see, yer supposed t'be in a movie not all... real an' shite.

Can I poke ye? Y'know, just t'make sure yer not a fake?

OOC:It's ok, I'm just thankful you didn't ignore us and think both muns and pups were out of their heads!

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

ooc: no prob. :) It takes more than that for me to think somebody's out of their head.

A...movie? Is that like a holofilm?

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Twould be the same thing, aye. Yer th' fuckin' main even in six of 'em. An' ye've got video games an' action figures made of ye too! Yer even on food boxes!

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

I didn't realize I was that popular. *blinks*

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Ye bet yer ass ye are! *fishes out his Anakin wind up toy he got in a Burger King kid's meal a few years ago and shows it to Anakin*

See fer yerself!

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

*fiddles with the toy. blinks some more*

Wow.

There's something unsettling about this...

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

*raises an eyebrow* Why's that? Ye think it doesn' look right?

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

A little...

But mostly I think it's just weird to be holding a miniature version of me. *grin*

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

People have been holdin' minature versions o' themselves fer years. I think their called offspring. Or spawn.

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Well, I've never done that either.

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Me either. Though now I don' think I can. Ye see, there's this walk-in freezer at th' meat packin' plant where I work an' I had t'be in there fer a long time an' I swear I fuckin' froze my balls right off! There goes any thoughts o' havin' wee ones of my own.

*has no idea that he has just gone on a tangent of little relevance and that Anakin probably doesn't care* Ye ever been anywhere that cold yerself?

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

Actually, yeah, I have. A planet called Ilum.

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Ilum? How cold does it get there?

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

It's all ice and snow and wind and caves. So....pretty kriffing cold.

Especially when you're from some place warm all the time.

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Is it colder'n Hoth?

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

Hoth?

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

I saw it in a movie... Nevermind.

Anyway, th' whole planet is cold, not just durin' one season?

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

[ooc: twenty years from now, Vader's saying: "Oh. That's what he meant."]

*nods* Right, the whole planet is cold. I've only had to go there a couple of times, luckily.

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

OOC: Haha! This is awesome. Murph still can't believe who he is talking to.

Why would ye go t' a place like that? Do people even live there?

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

Nobody lives there that I know of. Mostly just Jedi go there. The crystals we use in our lightsabers are found there.

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Oooooh! *eyes brighten* If I go there an' survive d'ye think I could make a lightsaber?

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

....probably not.

It's sort of a vision quest thing. That, and you'd need the right tools and the ability to use the Force.

Sorry? *wry smile*

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Fuck! I'm stuck bein' boring. *face falls pathetically* Guns an' a Rambo knife just aren't as good as a lightsaber.

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

What's a "Rambo knife"?

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

Ye know, th' knife that Rambo uses.... In th' movies...

Fuck. I fergot. *smacks self in the head* It's a really big arse serrated knife that has a kinda hook lookin' end. It's 'bout as big as yer head.

I thought that was cool but it's nowhere near's good as a lightsaber!

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

[poor guy's just waiting for anakin to "break character" isn't he? :D]

Oh! I understand now. *grin*

[sorta-like-711.livejournal.com]

OOC: Murph just can't wrap his head around that he's really talking to Anakin and not an actor!

Ye wanna see it? *pulls out his Rambo knife without waiting for an answer*

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

Glad to make you laugh. :)

Thanks for the additions!

Also: am now insanely curious how you found Anakin's journal. (I always wonder how people stumble upon it)

[morally-cryptic.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha, yeah...Obi and Anakin tend to do that.

And yep, it's old. It also spawned an icon, actually:



(no problem about the multiple times, LJ is wonky like that, it happens. :D)

[analise.livejournal.com]

ImageReady (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adobe_ImageReady) if I recall correctly. I haven't made anything animated in a long time.

OCC

[beutifulbutsad.livejournal.com]

54. May not Force-choke my wife my friend that happens to be female
55. Or anybody else
56. Ever

True, it's much like 2 and 3 but I think the fact needs to be hammer home.....a lot... ;)

57. May not break hearts.
58. Even if it's just with my eyes.

:P *hugs*